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Submitted on
September 14, 2013
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It took him sixty-one seconds to die. I counted.

The beach was only a walk away from there, and the sun was beating down on our heads and our hats. We hid under the trees and laughed. We were in love, if that's what love meant. We hugged each other, as we walked down the burning pavement in loud flip-flops and ripped shorts.

We were so close. I didn't know that that would be the last time I'd ever see him alive.

I was nervous when I told him, that if we were really in love, we would be together forever. He giggled softly, and told me forever was a long time. I knew that of course. It was too good to be true, I thought. He told me not to think about forever, and we sat on the park bench, overlooking the beach. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I felt his smile light up above me, and I smiled too and closed my eyes. Everything was perfect, that moment there, it felt like forever, a good kind of forever.

We didn't notice the shouting. We were too in love.

Love can do that. Love is blinding, it's distracting. We stood up, for that split second when we saw the people running and things did become loud. Louder, and louder, but we didn't feel scared, we were too confused. I didn't see it, I only turned around in time to shout his name. I couldn't explain the emptiness in his eyes when it happened, the confusion and horror that made up his face. He fell backwards and I caught him in time, but it didn't help him.

He was in pain, I had no way of helping him. It was horrible.

The red gushed out of his chest, I could see it, and I was afraid. I was horrified. Where was our forever? There was something silver, glinting and gleaming deep within his chest; where the bullet had hit him. It was stained with red and purple. I didn't know what to do. He breathed heavily, and I tried to comfort him, and I started counting in my head.

He was barely breathing now. I didn't know what to do.

The people did not care for me, they rushed past me and ran away, and the moment died away as they ran, the sun set lower and lower. It happened very quickly. I held him to my heart, I told him not to leave me. Not to go. That we truly were in love, and that I didn't know how things could've gotten so, so wrong. I was not ashamed of screaming. He didn't mind. He said he loved me, I loved him. It had gone a deep gray, a dark black, it had turned to nothingness.

How would my life continue? How would I continue?

He said nothing else. He just smiled, and he closed his eyes and leaned back. The red stained my shirt, and I didn't care. He didn't answer me. He was gone. I screamed and I stopped counting in my head.

It took him sixty-one seconds to die.

This wasn't what we meant by

© SpiderwebWisher 2013

I wrote a short version of this story, but a deviant named JanaRaf told me she would like the story to be longer and meatier. Requested by ~JanaRaf This is probably the most depressing story I've written so far, but only because I was feeling depressed when I wrote this.

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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-10-22
~SpiderwebWisher tells the story of an entire relationship in the vignette Sixty-one Seconds. ( Suggested by Azleah44 and Featured by neurotype )
Oh my god. This is amazing. I am shocked. I love this. I am... blown away. How many more words can I use to describe this? This poem or short story leaves me wanting more. I really want to know what happened. Was it just a shooting? Or something more? It's really great. Just... -hug-. It's awesome. I know I'm just spouting random nonsense but it's really good!!! I really want to read more of your stuff. Believe it or not, I like depressing works. They really make me think. I especially like ones about death or ghosts. That's why my favorite author is Mary Downing Hahn, for her countless amazing ghost stories. Anyways, this is amazing! Keep writing!
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

The first line caught my attention, but it was the emotion that kept me here. This was so beautifully written. I love how sweet and innocent she seems, and though in love the boy is level headed, he seems to understand that a promise forever isn't one to take lightly and is happy to live in the moment. The only thing that tripped me up while I was reading was "how things could've gotten so, so wrong", I feel like it might flow better with gone or something similar? You have some amazing lines in here that really drew me in though. "love can do that. Love is blinding, it's distracting", just typing that makes me tear up. This is a beautiful piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 10 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014   General Artist
You had me hooked on the first sentence, and I enjoyed the story! The pacing works well, and I like the way you drew out the concept into a longer work.

I was wondering why the lover got shot—gang violence, a riot, war, etc.—and I wish you had mentioned it in the story; if you chose to revise it, I think that providing a basic explanation would add impact to your message.

Nevertheless, I thought this was a poignant piece! Congratulations on the DD, and nice work. :aww:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thank you for the feedback! I sorta just left this to whatever the reader wanted to think. This is a half-raw piece, and I was focusing on the emotion. I'll see what I can do about it. :)
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014   General Artist
You're welcome. :huggle:
OliverDelirium Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You hated it.
tigabelle Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014
Congrats on the Daily Deviation! :huggle:

I has stupid question >//<; why did he get shot?
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's not a stupid question! He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or rather the shooters were. 
tigabelle Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
oh right, thanks! :huggle: Congrats again ^u^
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
EKKnight Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good story. I suspected that you had good content on your page when I read your username. Then I saw you had a DD and had to read. What a coincidence, I got shot in front of my girlfriend. Haha great job.
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